I’ve only been married for 5 years, so I’m hardly a marriage expert. That being said, I’m sharing a few misconceptions I had about marriage incase they may be insightful for others.
PS: Don’t mind the throwback wedding pictures.
In order to have a happy marriage, you must find your one and only soul mate.
Soulmates are real. But they aren’t predestined. They are created. They are formed by your decision to enter into a marriage. As Dieter F. Uchtdorf says, “…Once you commit to being married, your spouse becomes your soul mate, and it is your duty and responsibility to work every day to keep it that way. Once you have committed, the search for a soul mate is over. Our thoughts and actions turn from looking to creating.” (More from this talk here.) I used to think I had only one shot at a happy marriage and that it was my job to find “the one.” I now understand that there isn’t just one person for us, but it is our job to pick the best that we can. If both partners in a marriage want to make it work and do all they can, it usually will.
In good marriages, the spouses never argue or disagree.
I have often heard elderly couples say that they never had an argument. Perhaps this is true, but perhaps they are so good at forgiving and forgetting that the unpleasant memories have been erased. The best marriages don’t come from two perfect people. They come from two forgiving, loving people. I remember having an argument, more of a disagreement, with my husband when we were engaged. I got worried that maybe we shouldn’t be married because successful couples are always in harmony, right? Wrong! I was very blessed to talk to my parents and grandparents and realize that, in any marriage, conflicts are bound to occur. It’s how you handle and resolve them that matter. And that disagreement I had with my husband? I no longer remember what it was about, and I bet in fifty years, I won’t even remember that it happened.
My spouse will innately know everything they need to do to make me happy.
I feel like this is obviously wrong, but it’s so common among newlyweds. We need to help our spouses to speak our love languages and understand what hurts our feelings. So much of marriage is learning to love the other person in the way that they need. After 5 years of marriage, I have learned that my husband feels loved if the house is clean when he gets home and I have dinner ready. Service is how he feels loved. If I don’t do those things for him, he feels like I don’t really care about him. For me, I need my husband to listen to what I say. I also need words of affirmation. Every marriage and person is different, so we can’t expect our spouses to automatically know what we need to feel loved. We need to communicate it to them directly.
Overall, what I have learned is that marriage isn’t about being perfect, its about love. Having love when your spouse isn’t perfect. (And them loving you in return when you aren’t.) Having love when you’re upset or angry. Having love to put someone else’s needs above your own. Every minute isn’t always happy, but the moments of happiness make it more than worth it.
Just some Sunday thoughts :)
Did you have any misconceptions about marriage you’d like to share?