I remember the first time I returned to the hospital to visit my first son, Camden.  He was in the NICU, which meant that I had to go home without him.  I was a complete mess.  On this visit, I was all alone as my husband had returned to work.  I went inside the hospital and held my tiny son.  I stayed as long as I could, but due to my C-section just days before, I still wasn’t feeling very well.  I tearfully laid him back down, and walked out to my car.  I felt so guilty for leaving, but I also knew I wasn’t feeling good enough to stay.

As I drove home, I stopped at a red light and just broke down sobbing.  No one wants to leave the hospital without their child.  During this moment, I had failed to notice that the light had turned green.  Someone in the car behind me decided that to let me know by honking.  Not the polite little toot-toot kind of honking, but an angry-full-of-rage-slam-on-the-horn kind of honk.  I was so embarrassed and that honk had made me feel like such an idiot.  I couldn’t help but wonder as I drove ahead sobbing almost uncontrollably if that person would still have honked like that if they would have known what I was experiencing that day, or known why I hadn’t noticed the green light.  I wasn’t talking on my cell phone.  I wasn’t putting on makeup.  I wasn’t scrolling through social media.  I missed it because I was crying about my sick newborn baby.

I’ve had several experiences like this throughout my life.  Some when it’s me who’s been hurt, and others when, I shamefully admit, it’s been me to cause the hurt.  And every time I learn the same thing–people deserve the benefit of the doubt.


You never know what is going on behind closed doors.

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